Let's just jump right in, shall we? Here's the story of how I quit my gym.
There is a Friends episode where Chandler and Ross try to quit their gym but they can't because some hot trainer/membership woman convinces them that they need to stay. I was hoping that that was going to be the case when I went in to cancel my membership.
When I walked in, the front desk kid was nice enough. I mean, he took the time to break away from his cell phone to talk to me. He told me to wait and someone would be right out. I waited....and waited...and waited. All the while, I could see the corner of the manager's office. It's glass, so I could see this member (former member?) just screaming at the managers. Absolutely SCREAMING. There were tears, bulging neck veins, profanities (I know a good F bomb when I see it), etc. I went back to the front desk after about 15 minutes and they told me that I should probably come back another time and that she'd been in there for about 45 minutes. Red flag.
Day 2. Go back, ask for the manager, check the glass encasement/office for disgruntled members and wait....wait...wait. No one after about 10 minutes. Why, you ask? Because all of the managers are stringing Christmas lights on the railings....despite being paged twice. How many managers does it take to string 20 feet of Christmas lights? Apparently, all five of them. I had to wait for all of them to finish when one of them finally acknowledged that a (still) paying member wanted to talk with them.
Finally, I am scuttled in to the manager's office and am told to sit down. Mind you, no handshake has been extended nor a "why do you want to quit the gym?", not even an introduction to who this guy is. I kept looking for The Hot Chick (aka - a "closer") to come in and convince me to stay, but no dice. Nope. This guy just sat down in front of his computer, completely facing the other way.
So, I start a convo with the back of this guy's head. Here's how the rest of it went once I sat down:
Me: So, since I've paid for first and last month's dues, all I owe is the $20 cancellation fee?
Back of Manager's Head (BMH): Yeah
Me: Ok.
BMH: Name
Me: Matt
BMH: (exasperated) last name.
Me: (last name).
BMH: spell it.
Me: (I spell it)
*I'm now getting pissed, but I now want to jack with this guy.
Me: Isn't my info on the screen right there (it was)?
BMH: Different Screen. Address?
Me: It's a different screen?
BMH: Yeah. I'd have to switch back and forth.
Me: Oh, sorry about that. On my computer, I just hit "alt-tab".
BMH: Hm
Me: Must be a different type of computer, too.
(this goes on, obviously. Rest assured, he did not utter a multi-syllabic word)
BMH: Ok, you're done.
BMH: Ok, you're done.
Me: Can I get some sort of documentation that I quit?
BMH: What do you mean?
Me: Yeah, something that proves that I quit so, if I get billed next month, I have proof that I've terminated this contract.
BMH: I guess. So....(thinks)....like a receipt?
Me: Sure. Give me a receipt.
BMH: (sighs and punches a few more keys on the keyboard) Here ya go. If there are any questions, just come back and show us this receipt.
Swear to God it's like a receipt you would get from your dry cleaner. I have no doubt that when (not if) I get billed next month, this will hold up in court.
6 comments:
Look, if we both put up posts on the same day that is going to lead to some serious end of days stuff happening and I don't think either of us wants that. Please check my blog before you post and I'll do the same.
Also, Friends went off the air 7 years ago and those references are dated. I know this because someone told me that last time I mentioned it in a post.
You know, if the supreme being wanted us to belong to a gym, he would have issued us membership cards at birth.
At one gym, when I quit, I still had to continue paying for like another 6 months. Even though I was not even in the same state anymore. Bastards and their tricky contracts!
Nothing witty to note, except that basically the same thing happened to me when I tried to quit my gym. I think they are trained to act like idiots.
This makes me want to torture a gym manager by 'almost joining'---going thru most of the process and then hemming a hawing at the signaure and finally walking out and laughing at the manager.
Yeah, dude, we need like Suburgatory references now. Congrats on quitting. Was that like foreshadowing for quitting something else? Cheers!
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