New Training Food

Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce KFC's new Double Down!

• 2 pieces of fried chicken
• 2 slices of cheese
• 2 pieces of bacon
• Some sort of "sauce"
  
• No bun
  

Apparently, a bun would be just too much. Who needs to eat 3 meals a day when you can have this slice of heaven???? I can get all of my calories (the 2 pieces of chicken come in at 740), fat (at least 42 grams), and sodium (2100 mg) all in one sitting! Not to mention the fries that I would HAVE to get with it. To balance things out, though, I'd get a diet Coke.

This will save me so much time in my day to day life.

P.S. - It's only being tested in Omaha and Rhode Island (?) right now, so I consider myself at an advantage over you other non-Double Downers. That's what we're calling you guys.

The Hell?

According to my last post, this post was supposed to be entitled, "Funky Training Plan". What can I tell you? You can't trust me at all.

I may have mentioned that I'm in training. Relay training to be exact. So, a few months back, I chose this training plan and everything looked cool. I mean, the longest run that I have to do is 11 miles. That's right....11 miles. Perfect!

I just killed weeks 1 and 2. 4 runs? Done. 7 miler? Piece o' cake.

This week, though, I noticed a subtle, but notable difference in the plan:

Wednesday - 4 miles - hilly - evening
Thursday - 4 miles - hilly - morning

Oh....I see how it's going to be. Now, I have to run in the evening. I'm guessing that it's to get used to running, waiting for a few hours and then running again. Do you know what this means????? I have to run with the commoners. The ones who have things to do before they run. The hell? (hence the title)

Next week is even more fun:

Wednesday - 3 miles - easy - morning and....AND....3 miles - hilly - evening.

Yep, two-a-days. The hell? times two! I never played a "major sport" in high school or college. Shocking, I know. Lack of both physical ability and motor skills aside, I think the prospect of two-a-days would've deterred me from even attempting something like that.

On a related note, I was chatting it up with a relay runner from last year's race. I asked how much training she did, how the race was, etc. She gave rave reviews for the race. She asked which legs I was running I was running. I told her that I was the starting leg for our team and her eyes went wide.

"You do know that that leg is really hilly right? I mean, really hilly.", she said.

"Yeah, but I run really hilly routes and it's less than 3 miles, so I should be OK, right?", I implored.

(silence)

"RIGHT?"

"Well, it's not about winning. It's really about the experience.", she replied.

In conclusion, I'm dreading - BUT NOT INTIMIDATED BY - my training plan. And, apparently, I've drawn the worst legs of the relay.

Suh-weet.

Scooped

So there it is. I've been scooped. Kind of. Jamoosh over at his blog, Das Mixture, explains perfectly how guys filter what they are and aren't going to read. I was trying to formulate that post, but, being the brilliant wordsmith/journalism teacher that I am, I couldn't do it.

To dovetail off of Jamoosh, not only do guys have simple requirements for blog reading, I've noticed that, in this pseudo-underground world of Running Bloggers, there is a class system of sorts. And I write about this as just an observation and not a condemnation. If you're offended, take a number:

• The Newbies - Just started running and/or blogging about running. They write about everything and anything. I consider this to be the "gathering" portion of blogging. You have 100+ blogs in your Google Reader and you try to comment on all of them. Thrilling and tiring at the same time.
  
• The Up and Comers - These are the ones that have some traction (pun intended?) in their posts. They've got a following and they make some funny observations in their posts and in their comments to other posts. You've heard of these bloggers and you hop over to their sites once in awhile to see what all the commotion is about.
  
• The Mainstays - They've been doing this for awhile now. When they post, you don't skip over it. You block out some time to read all of it.
  
• The Old Guard - They've cut back on their running and their blogging. It just doesn't have the same appeal anymore. Maybe they're into Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, or they "want to spend more time with their family*" a little more. When they do post, it usually starts with, "I know it's been awhile, but...."

I don't know where I fit in. Hell, I don't consider myself to be in one main group. I'm definitely not an Up-and-Comer. Am I a Mainstay? I've been doing this for awhile, but I can't imagine that readers make it appointment reading for my posts. I may be a little Old Guard save for the fact that I haven't cut back on my running and blogging still has the same appeal as it did before. I just don't write the way I used to. Am I feeling sorry for myself? Nah. I just felt obligated to write something today. So what category do you all fall into?

Next post: Funky Training Plan

*that seems to be the latest "I got forced to resign" excuse, doesn't it?

Finally!

Banned on the Run, episode 3 is finally up and ready for your consumption. Like I said over at the podbean link, you may actually learn something so listen carefully.

Thanks again to John over at hellasound. Your music is fantastic! That's about all on that. Actually, Vanilla does a better job pimping the latest episode. Go over there. He digresses about his "running shorts" for awhile, but I'll let you be the judge.

As for yours truly today, we've been notified that the H1N1 virus has made a visit to our school. Yayyyy!!!!!!! Guess what I got to do between 11am and 12pm this fine Friday morning? Lunchroom supervision! Double yayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!

Who's bright idea was it to suggest that schools stay open during the outbreak? Oh, that's right....the CDC. Sure, they can make that judgment whilst sitting in their ivory tower (I'm assuming it's Ivory). I'll bet it's a safe assumption that the good folks at the CDC have never had to pick up half eaten plates of crispitos. I've said it before and I've said it again: there's no such thing as a dull day in the land of High School Teaching!

Tell my family I love them.

Braggin Rights

Our first one is off to school today. I can't believe it. My wife can't believe it. KidDoodle 1? She can believe it. She's been ready for this day for awhile. Here's how a recent conversation went with our daughter and my wife:

KidDoodle 1: Are you going to cry on my first day of school, mommy?
WifeDoodle: Probably.
KidDoodle 1: But why? You're supposed to be proud of me!
WifeDoodle 1: I am proud of you. It's a big day for you. You're growing up so fast.
KidDoodle 1: (thoughtful pause) Well, could you not cry in front of my friends. Do it in the car.

So, without further adieu, here's a pic of our first one off to school:


I distracted myself about the significance of the moment by taking a lot of pictures. I thought of taking my professional video camera, but I didn't want to be "that guy". The only time I got a little choked up was when I made her lunch today. That's right, she went cold lunch on the first day. Apparently, she didn't want the school's pizza. Seriously? What was on the menu? Here's what she chose:

• Wheat bread with whipped cream cheese lightly spreaded and sprinkled with dill. Crusts cut off, of course. Cucumbers and tomatoes on top.
  
• Banana
  
• Whipped yogurt. Flavor: Chocolate Mousse (pronounced "mouse")
• Crackers. There was a lonnnnnng discussion about how the crackers shouldn't be put in the lunchbox. They might get too cold. Apparently, that compromises the CheezIt integrity.
  

I guarantee she's the only school kid in the metro area with that lunch.

I asked her what she was most looking forward to today. Her response: lifting weights, stretching, and then running on the treadmill.

Swear. To. God.

She's convinced that her school has some sort of elaborate fitness center.

That's my girl!

Uh...Excuse me, sir...ma'am?

I thought I'd tee this one up and take a crack at it.....

• A gender verification test? Really? Is that covered under his/her insurance?
• So did they all get duded?
• Is this what would've happened if Manny Ramirez went too far?
• She puts the lotion in the basket........

I'm sure more prolific writers will do better at this, but I'm too busy inspiring the future.

That, and I've only had one cup of coffee.

Breaking News....

Since yesterday's Breaking News, I feel obligated to weigh in on the Brett Favre saga:

• I don't care
• I don't care
• If your name is attached to the word "saga", I don't care.
• I really hope ESPN covers this.
  

I feel obligated to post something. I mean, there are students looking at me for guidance right now, so it's either teach them or post something. Let's go with some bullets, shall we?

• I'm being followed when I run. I'm convinced of it. Even though I run very early in the morning, I keep hearing footsteps. Either I'm paranoid, someone has edited the sound of footsteps into all of my podcasts, or I'm being followed.
• I'm not an after school/work kind of runner. I was all ready to start my training week off with a Monday run, but I overslept and I didn't have it in me to run after school. How/why do you guys even do it?
  
• The tops of my knees creak and ache. Age or bad shoes? My shoes have about 100 miles on them and they feel good when I run, so what the hell? This hasn't happened before. I love running and it's mysterious injuries. Do you get those in golf? I don't think so!
• First day of Kindergarten for Doodle1 tomorrow. I'm fairly convinced that it's going to be rougher on WifeDoodle than it will be on the Kid.
• Banned on the Run - Episode 3 is so close to being posted for your consumption/criticism. Maybe later today if these kids will leave me alone. It's a really good episode with information and stuff. Who woulda thought?

That's it for now. We'll be breaking in for Favre updates as the need arises.

Gasp! Wheeze!

This past week, we started back up at school. Not "teachers reporting" back to school. The kids came back. Yes, the sickly smell of bad perfume and sweet and sour "chicken" filled the hallways. The sound of F-bombs filled the air....and that was just my classroom (rimshot!). And the overall teen angst permeated every crevice in the school.

So what I'm trying to say is school started again.

For the past 8 years, I'd like to think that I am fairly prepared for the first few days of school. Students over-analyze their schedules to see when/where they can hang out with their friends. Lost freshman panic that they won't make it to class especially when that pesky broadcast teacher keeps badgering them and yelling "FRESHMAN!" Typical stuff.

What I'm not prepared for, however, is being in teaching shape. There aren't enough intervals, tempo runs, or long runs to get you ready for this. I don't know what it is. I'm in fairly good shape. I mean, I put in my miles, try to eat right, get some sleep, blah blah blah. But, 8+ hours of these kids and I'm beat.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm on my feet more. Putting more miles in between classroom and office. Or, maybe it's the fact that I have to deal with conversations like this:

STUDENT: So, I was like, "Dad, that's so unfair" and he hung up on me! This is, like the worst day of my life! I swear!"

FRIEND OF STUDENT: Did you, like, call him back?

STUDENT: No.

That was it. End of conversation. See how that scintillating dialogue can be tiring? Not to mention the fact that it's like Thunderdome during passing periods. And they're just getting warmed up.

I love my job. I really do. And in about 2 weeks I'll be acclimated to it all. Right now, I'd invest in Starbucks and/or meth if I were you.

SSTIFY Friday - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Since no one (as of this writing) has died, thusly dedicating a SSTIFY to them (a la - MJ, John Hughes, etc.), we return to the true spirit of SSTIFY. This has been in my head for most of the week.


Have a good weekend everyone!

SQUIRREL!

Running Off at the Mind is celebrating 2 years today. Really? Seriously? I can't believe that with my legendary attention spa---SQUIRREL!---where was I?

I've been giving this post quite a bit of thought and, it occurred to me, that, I have used way too many, commas, over the past 2 years.

That, and I've been doin' some thinkin' back. I think some people call it "reflecting" or somethin' fancy like that. For starters, I read my very first post. Riveting crap, let me tell you.

It's been a crazy 2 years. I've met a lot of kewl virtual people and real people. I've had the distinct pleasure of meeting two of them in person (and have been stalked by one). You get to know a lot of people more than you know some of your friends. I've yet to determine if that's a good thing or not. I think it is on a certain level.

It's been a pleasure reading all of you guys. On a crazy level, you've been a part of my running life and I just wanted to say thanks. There are some phenomenal writers out there. Too many to mention, but I tip my cap to you all. And, to make them feel guilty for all of the shit they've given me over the 2 years, I'm going to say something nice about them:

Nitmos - Anyone who can make fruit shooting out of his anus funny and relevant is brilliant in my book.

Xenia - Ever self-effacing and always funny. What would be a 3 sentence post for me is about 5 paragraphs for her and it's all very clever.

Vanilla - He's one of the first bloggers I started reading. That's a compliment. For 2 years, and my attention span, that's a testament to his great writing. Also, for a little under 2 years now, he's been stealing my posts. Kidding. Kind of.

XC2- She's one of those new-fangled, young whipper snapper bloggers that could get 40+ comments if she posts that she had toast for breakfast. Great writer and one of the few that actually make me laugh out loud.

Jess - She's just plain rad. She gives birth, and puts up a blog post the next day. That's dedication! Suffice it to say, if anything came out of my uterus, that'd be the end of ROATM.

Viper - He loves booze. Not just booze, but good booze. I admire him for that alone, but he also combines self-deprecation and drinking into some great posts.

Amy - One of the best writers in this bunch. If you haven't read any...and I mean any....of her posts, you are truly missing out!

VRaz60 - She birthed me and she's put up with my shit for almost 37 years now. She's also helped me be the writer that I am now. Thank her or blame her. Your choice. Thanks mom!

There are a helluva lot more out there and I enjoy reading you all. Thanks again!

Here's to another year of....SQUIRREL!

Everybody Hurts (or some sort of cheesy title)

I'm sure there's countless amounts of research about the correlation between exercising and feeling young. I'd go and look some up and spew forth, but what the hell do I look like to you? Some sort of teacher?

I'm convinced that all of these studies are funded by Nike, Gatorade, or the Society of Carrots or some such radical health group. I can say that, even without reading a word of the findings, it's all unequivocally a crock of shit.

Ever since I've started up running, I've been hurting. Before, my health consciousness consisted of mixing in a light beer once in awhile (sorry, Viper) and walking all the way from the golf cart to the ball.

Now, NOW my friends, I can't even walk downstairs without the following:

• Pain in my right foot
• Sore knees
• Creaking in almost every possible joint

Last weekend, I tried teaching my daughter "The Art of the Steal" whilst playing soccer in the backyard. It turned out to be more like "The Art of the Locked up Knee While Planting Your Right Foot." Thanks exercise. Thanks a lot.

Sure...before exercise, I was 10 lbs. overweight and sedentary, but you know what?

I was happy.

Ice cream. Beer. Hours and hours of reruns of Facts of Life. Good times. Now, I live a life of ibuprofen, occasional trips to the ortho doc, stretching, etc. And for what? FOR WHAT?

I expect a lot of "don't give up" and "you've inspired me to be a better runner" sort of comments. I swear to the Holy Father if I don't, I'm opening a 1/2 gallon bucket of Edy's Slow Churned ice cream and I'm never looking back.

*BIG CONGRATS to Jess! Norah is here and she looks great! Stop over and congratulate the family!!!!

Back to School Bash - Race Report

Balls out

That was my mindset for this race. Last year was the inaugural race and I had paired it with my long run of the week. So, I ran an extra 6 miles and then tacked on this race at the end. The race is a fundraiser for my school's cross country teams. They always have some decent teams with some exceptional coaches (one is a BQer that finished in the top 75 last year, the other is considered one of the top female runners in the state). It's a small race, but it's a lot of fun. Here's my criteria for me to qualify it as a race:

• A t-shirt - CHECK
• Bib number - CHECK

I got there a little earlier than I thought I would, so I just kind of wandered in the parking lot. Soon, others filtered in and I saw a lot of runners from Team Nebraska (elites). Really guys? You couldn't just let us have this one? After awhile, I met up with some fellow teachers and I realized something: I wanted to beat them all. I know I'm competitive, but when it's someone I know, I'm even a little more jacked. According to my figurin', I was going to beat all of them save for a Spanish teacher who "just got back into running".

This is one of the very few races where I line up at the front. At the sound of "go", we were off. It's a pretty flat route, so I knew that my Balls Out strategy was going to work. Sure enough, I looked down at my Garmin and it read "6:43" for pace. Hmmm, might want to dial it down a notch. I settled into a relatively comfortable pace until Spanish Teacher sidled up next to me. He eventually passed me and I managed to maintain my 250 yard distance behind him throughout the race. He was incorporating the walk/run strategy and he stopped at the one and only drink station twice and I still couldn't catch him. DAMNIT!

When all was said and done, I had to "settle" for a 5K PR and 2nd in the High School Teacher division, though. I destroyed my old PR by about 45 seconds! Wow, those supplements from the Red Sox clubhouse are paying off.

Finishing Time - 23:27

*A BIG congrats to Jess who went to the hospital yesterday to have their baby! Jump over to her website to congratulate her!

SSTIFY Friday/POM review

Before we get to this week's SSTIFY (Song STuck In my head FridaY for the new readers or for those that have forgotten), I have to write an exceptionally overdue review. The good folks at POM asked me to try their juicy juice. It's 100% pomegranate juice and the benefits of the juice are impressive. Most importantly, it helps with erectile function. Not an issue for yours truly, but someone wrote about it at length and I'm sure others ready with great interest.

The juice is pretty tasty, I must say. POM sent me the smaller bottles and that seemed to be just right. It's a pretty intense taste so I don't know if I could polish off the bottles you see in the store. Would I recommend it? Absolutely. If you like juice, that is. If you're not a juice guy/girl....well, what can I say?

*******************

Yesterday, the legendary John Hughes passed away...while going out for a walk in Manhattan. Like a lot of us, I grew up with his movies. Put his name through IMDB and the list is impressive. The following is one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies. Ferris Bueller is one of those movies where, if it's on, I actually put down the remote. The other movies on this list?

• Godfather
• Tommy Boy
• Blues Brothers
• Office Space
  
• Caddyshack

Hope everyone has a good weekend! Hey! Look at that....I signed up for a 5K this weekend. Results on Monday....or Tuesday....or whenever we get out of meetings.

If You Got 'Em

There was a time in my life where I was young and stupid. Not surprisingly, most of the stupid stuff involved copious amounts of cheap alcohol. Psycho girlfriend? Met her at a bar. Walking 2 miles in the wrong direction and "falling asleep" outside a grocery store? Did that after a party. Killed a man just to watch him die? After a fish fry. The list goes on. Not "on and on", just "on". Probably the most stupidest thing I did was start smoking. It started out at the bars, then to parties, then with the guys during one of our hourly breaks at work, then in the car to and from work. Surprisingly, I was never up to a pack a day. I think the most I got to was 2 packs a week. Since I got this teaching gig, though, I've quit smoking.

I'd love to say the reason I quit was because I woke up and realized that smoking was bad for me. That my wife hated it. That we were about to start a family and that I should stop. In actuality, it was because no one at the school smoked. They had a "wellness program". People drank water. WTF? Oh well, I kicked the habit and I've been smoke-free ever since.

Curiously enough, I see more and more people smoking these days.

And I really want one.

Now, I don't want to start smoking again. I don't. I just want one smoke. Here's what will happen: I'll take one drag and my lungs will shout "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??" and I'll cough and wretch uncontrollably. Ahhhh.....flavor country.

And then I'll be over it. I'm thinking about doing it before the Omaha Corporate Cup Run. That'd be a hoot.

Deer!

Saturday began with the hopes of a long run before our day started in Des Moines. Oh, that's right, no it didn't. I opted to take Saturday off leaving me no option to get my long run in on Sunday. Here's how my Saturday played out:

6:45am - Woke up to the sound of "MOMMY! DADDY!" emanating from my 2 year old son's room. I tried to pretend to not hear it so my wife would "take care" of him. RazZDoodle needs his beauty sleep.

8:30am - Visited the Des Moines' farmer's market which, by the way, kicks some serious organic ass. No lie.

12pm - Considered a beer for a job well-done for putting my son down for his nap.

2:30pm - Picked up my sister from the Des Moines International Airport. International? Really? How classy.

3:30pm - Congratulated myself for being an exceptional navigator to and from the airport by making myself a gin and tonic (Boodles).

3:45pm - Decided that I better hold off after this drink because of my long run.

3:46pm - Decided that I'm not running tomorrow.

Repeat 3:30pm, 3:45pm, 3:46pm until about 10pm.

10pm - Drink copious amounts of water and down a couple Advil.

Sunday came early and I felt OK, so I wandered out and began my run. All was well. It was a nice morning and I was cruising with nary a sign of a hangover. At about mile 2, I approaced a wooded trail. About .25 miles into that trail, a big deer stood in my way. WTF? What the hell do I do? We locked eyes and it was either:

A) Run past him and explain to him that, because I have thumbs, I should be able to pass.
B) Tell him I like deer jerky (not a euphemism).
C) Reverse! Reverse! Reverse!

I think we can all pretty much determine that C was my only option. Either that, or I'm this guy but with less camouflage:




I backtrack and, to get my miles in, I decide to "explore" the area. Well, my "exploration" turned my intended 7 mile run into 9. Whoops. I think what I'm going to need to do is, rather than wear my Garmin, I need to mount those little deer whistles that people put on the hood of their car onto my shoes. That'll show 'em!